Idiot Test  (since you failed the earlier one ! )

1. Is there a fourth of July in England?
 
2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
 
3. Some months have 31 days, how many have 28?
 
4. How many outs are there in an inning?
 
5. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister?
 
6. Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer?
 
7. If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have?
 
8. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour. How many minutes would the pills last?
 
9. A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left?
 
10. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark?
 
11. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5'10" tall. What does he weigh?
 
12. How many two cent stamps are there in a dozen?

13. You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

14. If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

15. Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it: Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?

16. Mary's father has five daughters: Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

1. Is there a fourth of July in Japan?
Yes, it comes after the third of July!

2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
Just one! Mine is May 9.

3. Some months have 31 days, how many have 28?
12 - all of them

4. How many outs are there in an inning?
6 - three per side

5. Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister?
No because he is dead!

6. Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer?
70 (30 divided by 2 equals 15, but 30 divided by 1/2 equals 60)

7. If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have?
2, you took them, remember?

8. A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour. How many minutes would the pills last?
60 minutes, start with the 1st pill, 30 minutes later take the 2nd, then 30 minutes for the 3rd.

9. A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left?
9 are still alive.

10. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark?
0, Moses didn't have an ark, Noah did!

11. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5'10" tall. What does he weigh?
Meat, a butcher weighs meat!!!

12. How many two cent stamps are there in a dozen?
There are 12.

13. You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

14. If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
How can you overtake the LAST person? You must be the last person and you can't owertake yourself.

15. Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it: Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?
Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.

16. Mary's father has five daughters: Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
The fifth daughter's name is Mary. Read the question again.

Words of Wisdom From Children
 
Never trust a dog to watch your food.

When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.

Never tell your mom her diet's not working.

Stay away from prunes.

Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.

Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.

Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.

You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.

Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.

Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.

Never try to baptize a cat.

Homework Policy

Here is an explanation of the school homework policy:

Students should not spend more than 90 minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner:

15 minutes looking for assignment.
11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment.
23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children.
8 minutes in the bathroom.
10 minutes getting a snack.
7 minutes checking the TV Guide.
6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment.
10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.

It's always darkest before................Daylight SavingsTime.
Never underestimate the power of..........termites.
You can lead a horse to water but.........how?
Don't bite the hand that..................looks dirty.
No news is................................impossible.
A miss is as good as a....................Mr.
You can't teach an old dog new............math.
Love all, trust...........................me.
The pen is mightier than the..............pigs.
An idle mind is...........................the best way to relax.
Where there's smoke there's...............pollution.
Happy the bride who.......................gets all the presents.
A penny saved is..........................not much.
Two's company, three's....................the Musketeers.
Laugh and the whole world laughs with you,cry and.......................you have to blow your nose.
Children should be seen and not...........spanked or grounded.
If at first you don't succeed.............get new batteries.
You get out of something what you.........see pictured on the box.
When the blind leadeth the blind..........get out of the way.
 

Why don't cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.

How do cannibals know when to leave the table? After everyone's eaten, of course.

A little girl cannibal was expelled from school for BUTTERING UP the teacher.

What did the little boy cannibal get when he was late for dinner? A cold shoulder.

You know when you eat at a cannibal's restaurant? It could cost you an arm and a leg.