One of the worst effects of stress can be a feeling of helplessness that comes when we feel there is nothing we can do to for things. When we feel helpless, we may stop trying to solve problems. Then the problems get worse. And we feel worse. Then we get angry or discouraged. We do less. And things keep getting worse. That is a trap!

Recognize the things that bother you. Becoming aware of your stresses is a first step to dealing with them. It also is part of showing respect for your own feelings.

2. Recognize that you may not be able to fix everything at once, but there are things you can do that will help. Maybe they are little things. But they make a difference.

3. Throw away stresses that you cannot change. For instance, you may worry that an earthquake or tornado is going to destroy you and your family. While it is possible that you could move to a safer house or city, it may be more appropriate to throw away that worry. You may want to close your eyes and mentally tie the tornadoes in a knot and throw them in the trash or lock them in a closet. Decide which of your stresses you cannot change by thinking about them. Then don't think about them.

4. Replace stressful  thoughts with pleasant ones. Think of it as emotional gardening. You pull the ugly weeds out of your garden, and you cultivate the good plants. Instead of dwelling on a hurt or an injustice, think about someone you like and perhaps about some way you can help that person. A beautiful garden is very satisfying. A garden of weeds can be very discouraging.

5. Allow yourself to have vacations from stress. Sometimes we feel so worn-out or frustrated that we want to cry or scream. That's a good time for a mental vacation. Find a place where you can be alone. Lie down, close your eyes, and imagine that you are lying on a beautiful, peaceful beach. Imagine the sun on your face. Listen to the sounds of birds and waves. Feel the warm sand. Breathe deeply and slowly. Enjoy relaxing for several minutes. Then imagine yourself jogging, swimming, shopping, or anything you would enjoy doing on your vacation. When you are feeling better, open your eyes. Think of some small thing you can do to make things run more smoothly.

6. Use your sense of humor. When I start to get frustrated and angry with my children, I hold a training session. For example, when the children have left lights on throughout the house, I may feel like screaming at them. Instead, I call them together and tell them that a crime has been committed. Someone has sneaked into the house and turned on all our lights. I suspect it may be an elephant. Maybe we could all hunt through the house looking for the elephant – and turn off lights. I am very careful to avoid sarcasm or hurt. I make my statements ridiculous so that everyone starts laughing, including me.

 7. Be sure you are keeping yourself strong. Are you eating well? Do you regularly get some exercise or relaxation? Make time in your schedule to keep yourself physically fit. For child care, you might take turns with a friend. Today you watch her children for an hour or two while she takes a break. Tomorrow she watches yours while you take a break.

8. Draw strength from friends and family members. You may have some friends who help you make decisions, feel loved, and feel hopeful. Call them. Ask them if they will listen to you. Talk to them. Tell them how you feel. You may have some friends or family members who make you angrier or sadder. It might be good not to talk to them when you feel stressed. Anger makes stress worse.

9. Focus on things you love to do. Go back to the list you made, and pick out some of the things you love to do most. Make time for them. Set aside money to do them. Ask people to help you do them.

10. Anticipate problems and solve them. Deal with them. For example, maybe your toddler loves to play with the stereo, and that bothers you. Put the stereo up out of reach. Put interesting and safe toys where the children can play with them. Baby-proof your home. Make a special play area for your children. Prevent the troubles that drive you crazy by planning ahead.

 11. When you are feeling tired and discouraged and don't want to do anything, look for a little job. Maybe you could wipe off the cabinets. Maybe you could take out the trash. Look for a little job to get started. Once you flush the little job, give yourself credit for it. Don't beat yourself up with a long list of all the things you still need to do. Once you get started with a little job, you may feel like tackling bigger jobs.

continued......Dealing with stress