All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work. - Steve Martin, Bilko
Old age. It's the only disease, Mr. Thompson, that you don't look forward to being cured of. - Bernstein (Everett Sloane), Citizen Kane
Hello, this is Harris. I'm in right now, so you can talk to me personally. Please, start talking at the sound of the beep. - Harris K. Telemacher, L A Story
Don't make my mistake, kid. Don't follow orders your whole life. Think for yourself. - Barbatus, Antz
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic and so am I. -- Bill Murray, What about Bob
If I'm not back in 5 minutes, just wait longer. - jim Carrey, Ace Ventura
Have you ever taken a serious political stand on anything? Yeah. Sure. For twenty-four hours once I refused to eat grapes. - Woodey Allen, Sleeper
It occurs to me that the best way you hurt rich people is you turn them into poor people. - Eddie Murphy, Trading Places
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder. - Alfred Hitchcock
The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need! My name in print! That really makes somebody! Things are going to start happening to me now. - Steve Martin, The Jerk
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population. - David Letterman
All I'm saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don't get him first, somebody else will, and you'll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband. - Marie, When Harry Met Sally
Good morning! And in case I don't see you: good afternoon, good evening and good night. - Jim Carrey, The Trueman Show
You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle. - Groucho, Duck Soup
You might be a cunning linguist, but I am a master debater. - Mike Myers, Austin Powers: Goldmember
Ladies and gentlemen, I can envision a day when the brains of brilliant men can be kept alive in the bodies of dumb people! - Steve Martin, The Man with Two Brains
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly! Ha, ha! - Eddie Murphy, Shrek
Charlie: I have to take a pill every six hours or I feel... funny. No big deal.
Irene: What's it called?
Charlie: Advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage. - A dialogue from Me, Myself and Irene
And I was just thinking: as much as I really admire your shoes, and as much as I'd love to have a pair just like them, I really wouldn't want to be *in* your shoes at this particular time and place. - Steve Martin, Roxanne


 

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