Funny Definitions, Funny word meanings

Abundance – A baker’s exercise (A-bun-dance)
Arbitrator – A cook that leaves Arby’s to work at McDonald’s.
Arcade – A lemonade type drink served on Noah’s Ark.
Avoidable – What a bullfighter tries to do.
Babysitter – A small child that has not learned to crawl or walk.
Baloney – Where some hemlines fall.
Band-Aid – A fund to help a band.
Bernadette – The act of torching a mortgage.
Burglarize – What a crook sees with.
Cadillac – Lack of cattle.
Contents – Where con men sleep while on a camping trip.
Control – A short, ugly inmate.
Cookout – The cook’s day off.
Counterfeiters – Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
Cowlick – Bashing a cow.
Cowhide – Game of Hide and Seek played by cows.
Detail – Removing a tail.
Dieting – The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.
Dog Paddle – A rolled-up newspaper with which to punish a dog without hurting it.
Doughnut – Holey food.
Eclipse – What a Cockney barber does for a living.
Eyedropper – A clumsy ophthalmologist.
Fan Club – A weapon used by a celebrity so he won’t be crushed by fans.
Feather Brained – Fuzzy headed.
Feather Head – An American Indian Chief.
Fire Escape – A way for a fire to go out.
First Lady – Eve.
Flying Saucers – The wife is on a rampage.
Funny Paper – (1) A paper that laughs. (2) The paper you read instead of going to church.
Ghost Town – A town full of Haunted Houses.
Girl Scout – A boy that “scouts” for girls.
Good-bye – A bargain.
Gossip – 24-hour teller.
Handicap – A head cover that is easy to locate and wear.
Hardship – A ship protected by thick cover.
Hatchet – What a hen does to an egg.
Hay – Grass a-la-mowed.
Headlight – A dizzy spell.
Heavy Duty – Loading an elephant.
Hence – An enclosure around a hen yard.
Heroes – What a guy in a boat does.
High school – A school atop the Sears Building.
High water – The main reason Noah built the ark.
Himalaya – A rooster that lays an egg.
Holy Smoke – A church on fire.
House Keeper – A lady that kicks her husband out and keeps the house.
Ideal Person – A card player that wants to deal everytime.
Illegal – A sick bird.
Installment – Putting a horse in a stall.
Lad – A short ladder.
Laughing Stock – Cattle, horses, sheep and hogs responding to a good joke.
Layaway Plan – A pre-arranged burial plan.
Laying Down The Law – Putting the law aside and making your own rules.
Left Bank – What the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
Life Jacket – A special coat that lasts a lifetime.
Lip Service – Applying lipstick.
Little Dipper – A small boy diving.
Long Jump – When the cow jumped over the moon.
Matchbook – A book about matches.
Megaphone – A very large telephone.
Mistletoe – Any animal with a toe missing.
Misty – How golfers create divots.
Mohair – What bald headed men need.
Monkey Business – A petstore employing monkeys only.
Moron – Someone that spent all night studying for a blood test.
Moth Ball – A special social event for moths.
Negative Feedback – One result of seasickness.
Network – The process of making nets.
Outfit – Pitching a fit outdoors.
Over Leap – When the cow jumped over the moon.
Overloaded – An elephant riding a bicycle.
Oyster Bed – A place for an oyster to sleep.
Pacifist – One that can’t advocate peace without clinching his fist.
Paradox – Two physicians.
Parasites – What you see from the top of the EiffelTower.
Pedestrian – An endagered species.
Period – A comma that curled up and went to sleep.
Pharmacist – A helper on the farm.
Piggyback – A lost pig is back home.
Pigment – A mint plant grown to feed hogs.
Pineapple – An apple that grew on a pine tree.
Polarize – What penguins see with.
Pole Vault – A vault where poles hid from Hitler.
Polite – A light on a pole.
Polygon – A parrot that got away.
Priesthood – A special headpiece for a priest.
Primate – Removing your spouse from in front of the TV.
Protest – Testing a professional person.
Put-down – To hot to handle.
Quarterback – Change when you pay for a 75¢ item with a dollar bill.
Reform – To gain or lose weight.
Refuse – Replacing a burned out fuse.
Relief – What trees do in the spring.
Remind – A brain transplant.
Rest Stop – The traffic light is stuck on red.
Retire – Replacement of tires.
Ringworm – Worm with a bell.
Rock Music – A lullaby sung in a rocking chair.
Roman – A person that never settles very long in one place.
Sausage – “Groundog”.
Scorekeeper – Someone that knows the score but keeps it to himself.
Showoff – The show has been cancelled.
Selfish – What the owner of a seafood store does.
Single Entry – Single people only.
Standing Order – Freeze!
Subdued – Like, a guy who, like, works on one of those, like, submarines, man.
Sudafed – Brought litigation against a government official.
Sunny – A bright boy.
Sunbeam – A heat proof beam supporting the sun.
Sunburn – What you basked for.
Sundial – An old-timer.
Sweater – A person that freely perspires.
Syntax – All the money collected at the church from sinners.
Teenagers – People who are doing the things you wish we had thought of when we were younger.
Time Keeper – A guy that didn’t return your watch.
Tireless – Have a car but have no tires.
Tooth Picks – The choices many dentists give patients to select their artificial teeth.
Touch-Me-Not – A person with a severe sunburn.
Travelers Aid – A soft drink for tourists.
Vitamin – What you do when someone comes to the house.
Waffle Iron – A special additive to put more iron in waffles.
Waterfall – A “watered-down” place in a stream.
Well Done – A water, gas or oil well is completed.
Weekend – A book with a blah ending.
Whether – Unpredictable weather.
Wildlife – Living it up!
Witchcraft – Handmade crafts made for Halloween.
Woodchuck – Throwing a heavy pole, post or other item made of wood.
Workout – An outside job.
Writer – One who corrects a wrong.
Year Book – A book that takes a year to read.
Zero Hour – Time kept by a “cuckoo” clock.