Coping With Conflict Between Siblings

Coping With Conflict Between Siblings

• Sometimes children need to go to different places to cool down. When they are calm, then discussion can start. Children will fight for many reasons and might react angrily when they are really feeling hurt, sad, lonely, frustrated or something else.
• You need to find out what the real problem is. They may need your help to focus on the problem, come up with ways to solve it and think about abut what the results would be from each choice. Through all of this you need to help your children focus on the solution rather than then who is to blame. This way, neither will feel you took the other child's side.
• Knowing when to ignore arguments and when to step in is a practised art. Sometimes it is better to let children solve their own arguments. You might then ask whether they need your help. Sometimes they will tell you they don't. If you are OK with this then set a deadline and some rules - eg five minutes and no hitting. At other times they may need your help. You can act as a mediator - listen to both sides of the argument, have each child tell the other child's story, get them to agree about what happened and then find a solution.
• Fighting can be a pain but differences of opinion are important because they help children get to know themselves and others. They also help establish each child as an individual, teach them how to resolve conflicts if handled properly, and how to cooperate.
• Patience will be your biggest skill here. Sometimes 'time out' for you will also help. But remember, children learn by example. Look at the ways you deal with conflict and then look at your children.

courtesy Department for Community Devlp, Australia.

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