Negative Talk Of Parents With Children

Negative Talk Of Parents With Children

• Some communication is negative and needs to be avoided.
• Sarcasm makes people feel foolish or not good enough and hurts their feelings.
• Teasing can leave people feeling powerless. If joking or teasing is not done very often, and in a gentle playful way, it can be enjoyable for everyone. Too much can be confusing and hurtful.
• Name calling affects how people think about themselves. If people are called 'stupid', 'naughty' or 'bad' they begin to believe the labels. You need to talk about the behaviour not the person.
• Punishment such as washing mouths out with soap, standing in corners and not letting people eat meals are old fashioned forms of discipline which cause people to feel humiliated. They do not show respect for people.
• Taking away privileges is also negative when it is used as a way of taking revenge, when it has nothing to do with what is happening at the time, or when it is applied for too long. All it does is make people resentful.
• Nagging repeats messages which didn't work the first time. Threats and blame hurt, and are damaging to self esteem. Cutting off love, affection or attention makes people feel lonely and unloved.
• You should:
  • describe the behaviour you appreciate, eg 'I enjoy it so much when you...', 'I really like being able to talk on the phone without interruptions', 'Not having to do the dishes this morning saved me a lot of time'
  • make your comments honest and believable
  • give feedback immediately
  • acknowledge effort as well as behaviour.

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Department for Community Devlp, Australia.

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