Funny Riddles, Joke Riddle

If you have it, you want to share it. If you share it, you don’t have it. What is it?
A secret.

The more you have of it, the less you see. What is it?

What book was once owned by only the wealthy, but now everyone can have it?
You can’t buy it in a bookstore or take it from a library.
A telephone book.

What gets whiter the dirtier that it gets?
A chalkboard

What happened in the middle of the twentieth century that will not happen again for 4,000 years?
The year 1961 can be read upside down and that won’t happen again until 6009!

What has no beginning, end, or middle?
A doughnut.

What has to be broken before it can be used?
An egg.

What does no man want, yet no man wants to lose?
Work – Employment

How many bricks does it take to complete a building made of brick?
Only one, the last one.

What is everything to someone, and nothing to everyone else?
Your mind.

Big as a biscuit, deep as a cup, even a river can’t fill it up. What is it?
A kitchen strainer.

What goes up and never comes down?
Your age.

What’s the greatest worldwide use of cowhide?
To cover cows.

What’s long and thin, covered in skin; red in parts, and put in tarts?

What has feet and legs, and nothing else?

What is the moon worth?
$1, because it has 4 quarters.

What grows when it eats, but dies when it drinks?
A candle.

What stays where it is when it goes off?
An alarm clock

You heard me before, yet you hear me again. Then I die, ’til you call me again. What am I?
An echo

There is a man standing over a dead body in a coffin, and another man walks in and asks, who’s in the coffin. The first man replies, brothers and sisters, I have none, but this man’s father is my fathers son. Who’s in the coffin?
His son

There are 2 guards. One tells the truth and one lies. There are also 2 doors. One leads to Heaven and the other leads to the devils playground. One guard is in front of each door. You can only ask the guards ONE question and you have to ask the same question to both guards. What you are trying to find out is which door leads to Heaven and which door leads to the devil’s playground.
Ask each one “What will the other one say is the door to heaven?” They should answer the same. Go in the opposite door they say.

Two boxers are in a boxing match (regular boxing, not kick boxing). The fight is scheduled for 12 rounds but ends after 6 rounds, after one boxer knocks out the other boxer. Yet no man throws a punch. How is this possible?
They were women boxing.

A farmer had seventeen sheep, all but nine died, how many did he have left?

A man builds a house with all 4 sides facing south. A bear walks past the house. What color is the bear?
Probably a white Polar Bear in the North Pole.

A skin have I, more eyes than one. I can be very nice when I am done. What am I?
A potato

Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth?

Can a man legally marry his widow’s sister in the state of California?
No, he’s dead

Clara Clatter was born on December 27th, yet her birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?
She lived in the southern hemisphere.

He has married many women, but has never been married. Who is he?
A preacher.

How many of each animal did Moses take on the ark?
Moses didnt make the ark, Noah did.

How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?
Once, because after you subtract it’s not 25 anymore.

How much dirt is in a hole 4 feet deep and 2 feet wide?
There is no dirt in a hole.

I know a word of letters three, add two and fewer there will be.

If a rooster laid a brown egg and a white egg, what kind of chicks would hatch?
Roosters don’t lay eggs.

If two’s company and three’s a crowd, what are four and five?

If you were in a dark room with a candle, a woodstove, a match and a gas lamp which do you light first?
The match

If you were standing directly on Antarcticas South Pole facing north, which direction would you travel if you took one step backward?

Is an old hundred dollar bill better than a new one?
No, I’d rather have $100 bill than a new $1 bill.

No sooner spoken than broken. What is it?
Silence or a promise.

Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days; how many have 28?
Every month has at least 28 days.

Take off my skin — I won’t cry, but you will! What am I?
An onion.

The more it dries, the wetter it gets. What is it?
A towel.

The more you take, the more you leave behind. What are they?
Foot steps.

There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. He has a wife and 2 kids. What does he weigh?

What can burn the eyes, sting the mouth, yet be consumed?

What can go up a chimney down but can’t go down a chimney up?
An umbrella.

What can go up and come down without moving?
The temperature.

What can pass before the sun without making a shadow?
The Earth.

What can you catch but not throw?
A cold.

What crime is punishable if attempted, but is not punishable if committed?

What do the numbers 11, 69, and 88 all have in common?
They can all be flipped and still be the same.

What do you serve that you can’t eat?
A tennis ball or guests.

What do you throw out when you want to use it, but take in when you don’t want to use it?
A fishing line.

What goes up white and comes down yellow?
An egg.

What grows up while growing down?
A plant.

What one word has the most letters in it?

What starts with a T, ends with a T, and has T in it?
A teapot.

What travels around the world yet stays in one corner?
A stamp.

What two words contain the most letters?
post office

What’s the difference between here and there?
The letter T.

Which is correct to say, “The yolk of the egg are white,” or “The yolk of the egg is white?”
Neither, because egg yolks are yellow.

Which moves faster: heat or cold?
Heat, because you can catch a cold.

You answer me, although I never ask you questions. What am I?
The telephone.

You can’t keep this until you have given it.
Your word.

There is $21.00 in 1 dollar bills that has to be split evenly among the 2 fathers and 2 sons. How is this possible?
There is only really three people…a grandfather, the father, and the father’s son who each get $7.

A Man walked up to his house and he heard his wife scream ” John Don’t do it!” and the man ran inside and saw his wife, dead on the floor. Around her was a Baker, Milkman, and a Doctor. The man goes up to the Milkman and says “U did It!”. How did the man know he did it?
The baker and the doctor were both women and John the milkman was the only guy.

What do you call a country, where all the cars in it are pink?
A pink carnation.

There is an ancient invention still used in some parts of the world today that allows people to see through walls. What is it?
A Window

What question can someone ask all day long, always get completely different answers, and yet all the answers could be correct?
“What time is it?”

In a certain city, 5% of all the persons in town have unlisted phone numbers. If you select 100 names at random from that city’s phone directory, how many people selected will have unlisted phone numbers?
None. If their names are in the phone directory, they do not have unlisted phone numbers!

There is a horse tied to a rope. The rope is 10 feet long. There is a bale of hay 23 feet in front of the horse. The horse is able to eat the hay, yet does not break the rope. How is that possible?
The rope isn’t tied to anything!

After a man had been blindfolded, someone hung up his hat. The man walked 100 yards, turned around, and shot a bullet through his hat. How is such a feat possible?
His hat was hung over the barrel of the rifle!

At a posh restaurant I was having dinner with a noted historian. We were discussing the relative merits of Woodrow Wilson, when my friend turned to me and said, “I’ll tell you all you need to know about the character of Woodrow Wilson. Why when he ran for president, his own mother didn’t even vote for him!”
“Is that true?”, I asked.
“Of course, it’s true,” he said. “I know whereof I speak.”
That ended the discussion. I didn’t realize until I got home that, although my friend spoke the truth, I had been tricked. How had I been mislead?
Of course Woodrow Wilson’s mother did not vote for her son. She couldn’t. Women didn’t have the right to vote before 1920.

How is it possible to shave three times a day and still grow a beard?
If you were a barber, you could shave other men three times a day and still grow your own beard.

A man fell off a 20-foot ladder and landed on the sidewalk, but he did not get hurt. Why not?
He fell off the bottom rung!

Why are 1980 pennies worth almost $20?
1,980 pennies equals $19.80, which is almost $20.

Which is correct: 18 plus 19 is 36. Or 18 plus 19 are 36?
Actually neither is correct – 18 plus 19 is 37!

Is it physically possible for you to stand behind your mother, and for your mother to stand behind you at the same time?
Yes, if you stand back to back.

In a marathon race what does the winning runner lose?
Their breath!

Why didn’t Beethoven finish the Unfinished Symphony?
The Unfinished Symphony was started by Schubert, not Beethoven!

What has holes but holds water?
A sponge

David’s father has three sons : Snap, Crackle and _____ ?

What is harder to catch the faster you run?
Your breath!

What is the beginning of eternity, the end of time, and the beginning of every ending?
The letter “E”.

What do some men have they don’t want, but would not part it for a million dollars?
A bald head.

A hundred feet in the air, but it’s back is on the ground.
What is it?
A centipede flipped over.

A father’s child, a mother’s child, yet no one’s son.
A Daughter.

Forward I am heavy, but backward I am not.
What am I?
Forward I am ton, backwards I am not.

What do you fill with empty hands?

What has a foot on each side and one in the middle?
A yardstick.

What kind of coat can be put on only when wet?
A coat of paint.

What object has keys that open no locks, space but no room, and you can enter but not go in
A computer keyboard.

Mary left on a horse on Sunday, was gone for four days, and came back on Sunday.
How did that happen?
The horse’s name was Sunday!

What is once in a minute, twice in a moment, and never in a thousand years?
The letter M.

What gets larger as you take more from it?
A hole.

What questions can you never ever answer with a “yes”?
What time is it?
Are you sleeping?
Are you dead?

If a train was on its way to Florida and it tipped over,
where would they bury the survivors?
They wouldn’t need to, the survivors are still alive!

If you are in a one story house that is all blue, what color are the stairs?
There are no stairs! Its a one story house!

If you are in a room with no doors or no windows
and you have a ball and a bat, how do you get out?
Three strikes your out!

The maker doesn’t want it.
The buyer doesn’t use it.
And the user doesn’t see it.
What is it?
A coffin.

Four men sat down to play,
They played all night ’till break of day,
They played for gold and not for fun
With separate scores for everyone.
When they came to square accounts,
They all had made quite fair amounts.
Can you the pardox explain,
If no one lost, how could all gain?
They were not playing against each other.

In a tunnel of darkness lies a beast of iron. It can only attack when pulled back.
What is it?
A bullet in a revolver

What can be swallowed, but can also swallow you?

What’s better than the best thing and worse than the worst thing?
Literally, the word NOTHING

What two things can you never eat for breakfast?
Lunch and Dinner

Why is it so easy to weigh fish?
Beacause they have scales!

What kind of nut has no shell?
A doughnut.

A girl named Julie threw a ball.
Without a string, without bouncing it off anything,
and without having anyone throw it back to her, it came back.
How is this possible?
She threw it in the air.

Pretend you’re a bus driver. You start at New York and fifty people get on.
Then you drive to New Jersey and twenty people get off, while five get on.
Then you go to Florida and ten people get off while fourteen get back on.
When you get to New Mexico, twenty people leave and five more get back on.
When you reach California everyone get’s back on. How old is the bus driver?
Your age, remember, you’re the bus driver!

There was a pond.
The pond was empty except for its water.
On the 1st day there was one lily pad.
On the 2nd day there were two lily pads.
On the 3rd day there were four lily pads.
On the 4th day there were eight lily pads.
Everyday the lily pads doubled.
It took 60 days to fill the pond with lily pads.
How many days did it take to half fill the pond with lily pads?
If the lily pads doubled everyday. And it took 60 days to fill the pond with them. Then the pond must have been half full the day before it was full. Thus, the answers is, 59 DAYS

While on my way to St. Ives
I saw a man with 7 wives
Each wife had 7 sacks
Each sack had 7 cats
Each cat had 7 kittens
Kitten, cats, sacks, wives
How many were going to St. Ives?
Just one, me.

Q: If a plane crashed on the border of England and Scotland, where would they bury the survivors?
A: you don’t bury survivors

Q: Twelve pears hanging high, twelve men passing by, each took a pear and left eleven hanging there. How can this be? How can eleven pears be left?
A: ‘Each’ is a mans name!

Q: If there’s a frog, dead in the centre of a lilypad which is right in the middle of the pond, which side would it jump to?
A: neither, the frog is dead!

Q: You’re a bus driver. At the first stop 4 people get on. At the second stop 8 people on, at the third stop 2 people get off and, at the forth stop everyone got off. The question is what color are the bus drivers eyes?
A: The same as yours, you’re the bus driver.

Q: What never gets any wetter, no matter how much it rains?
A: The sea!

Q: A man went outside in the pouring rain with no protection, but not a hair on his head got wet…how come?
A: He was bald.

Q: David’s father has three sons : Snap, Crackle and _____ ?
A: David

Q: What has a mouth but doesn’t eat, a bank with no money, a bed but doesn’t sleep, and waves but has no hands?
A: a river.

Q: A cowboy rode to an inn on Friday. He stayed two nights and left on Friday. How could that be?
A: His horse was called Friday.

Q: If the red house is on the right side and if the blue house is on the left side where’s the white house?
A: Washington DC