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Helping children develop good manners involves being
thoughtful and considerate parents, Manners cannot be taught in the same
way as history or geography can-(learning by rote). It is something that
is built up over a period of time by feeding the children in small
manageable doses. As the child passes through the various stages of
growth, his understanding and empathy also increases. However, school
going children have it really rough. |
They have to sort out for
themselves the difference between enthusiasm, exuberance and rudeness.
In such a situation teaching children manners is very difficult. Be
patient and your patience will pay off.
Of course in early childhood, children learn from
their parents and we have to be good role models. When we act and do
things in the same way that we expect them to act it becomes a little
easier. Being polite should come naturally to them and this will happen
only when they see their parents being polite to others. The rules
should be the same for everybody immaterial of whether it is a child or
a parent. A parent cannot demand a prerogative that he can be impolite
to others just because he is older and expect the child to behave
politely. Learn to acknowledge a kind gesture and make sure the child
notices this.
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Praise good behavior but never condemn bad behavior.
Let the child realize for itself that it has not behaved properly. This
can be brought home in many ways. While answering the telephone, the
child must be taught to speak slowly and politely, take a message
correctly and deliver it.
While dining along with others, it must be
taught to behave well. This of course requires a lot of spadework to be
done by you. |
Empathy, kindness and consideration should be taught right from
childhood. Ensure that you do not poke fun or ridicule anyone in the
presence of the child and only laugh at jokes which are wholesome.
Children should be encouraged not to tease other children even if he is
teased himself. This is often very difficult but with a little patience
you can get the message across.
Controlling anger and other negative emotions is very
important. Children often scream and throw tantrums when they are angry
or they hit out at others. Such situations call for immense patience
from the parent , so instead of punishing the child, try to teach it to
handle anger. Teach it to count till ten or make it
look at itself in the mirror when angry and compare it with the image
when it smiles. This does not mean that a child can never give vent to
its feelings, it must be done properly. It is all right for a child to
say that he or she does not want to do a thing, but rephrasing of bald
statements is very important.
It always pays to be honest and this quality should be encouraged. Allow
the child to see for itself how you are honest in small things—like
returning excess change or returning what was unintentionally given. You
will be surprised that with this as a base, the child develops a strong
sense of honesty and cannot lie even if it wanted to. Children are like
tender trees and can be made to grow up in the way that you want them
to. All it requires is a lot of patience and bringing yourself down to
the level of the child in order to see things from its perspective. The
parents have to learn to accept mistakes and try to correct them as
unobtrusively as possible.
Parents need to understand that just helping children to develop good
manners is not something, which is instantaneously produced. It is hard
work for the child who often tends to forget rules and it is harder work
for the parents who have to see that rules are constantly enforced so
that they become a habit. In spite of doing all this, things may not
work out the way you want them to, merely because the child is a only a
child.
Never criticize the child in public in front of others
for nothing can be more demeaning. help the child to envisage what the
feelings of the other person is and more often than not it will refrain
from doing what it originally intended to do. Allow the children to work
things out for themselves and only intervene when absolutely necessary.
Teach them to share what they have because by doing so they build an
edifice which has no room for selfishness. This is a lesson they will
use throughout their lives.
Countering bad influences is as important as doing
things right. In a world in which the child is going to be exposed to
good and bad, it cannot be protected from everything. Help it to
decipher right from wrong and allow it to use its judgment. You will be
amazed at the strength of character it displays.
Parents while limiting the amount of television the children watch can
use characters in the television as a learning experience. They also
need to know that compromise and tolerance are two things that must be
learnt and the sooner they learn , the better for them. All said and
done , parents must monitor their own behavior. As the early years in a
child’s life are developmental, the correct message must be sent. This
becomes deeply embedded and forms the basis for children developing good
manners.
~ Data 2007.
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Authored by M. Swami.
Related:
Raising
good children
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