Things You’d Love To Say At Work… But Can’t

I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.

It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.

I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of it.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a damn.

I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.

Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck.